Disagreements about the way you and your partner manage money are frequently the cause of break-ups in relationships.
These disagreements often arise because our different backgrounds give rise to different views about money and money habits.
If you do not recognise your differences, discuss them and find a way to work together financially, your different approaches can deepen into conflict when you start accumulating assets, growing wealth or managing family finances.
When you are getting to know a partner in a relationship, look for clues about how your partner manages money – how and where you go on a date, how the date is paid for and what is said about the experience. Use these experiences to ask about your partner’s childhood, who earned money and how it was used for the family.
As you get to know your partner and their lifestyle better, opportunities will arise to discuss more money topics.
By the time your relationship moves to one with deeper commitment, you should be able to talk easily and honestly about money.
Your partner’s views on money may even challenge your beliefs about money.
If your relationship with your partner is strong, you may even explore your beliefs and views on money together.
Here are a few things to look out for:
How open and honest are you willing to be with each other about money? Do you share how you feel about money, the lessons you have learnt or want to learn to ensure you make the most of your finances?
Do you share views on how honest you need to be about how much you earn and how you spend money, or does one want to share and the other not? If you are not sharing your financial lives fully, how do you plan to build a life together?
If one partner has more knowledge and experience of managing their personal finances than the other, how will you work together?
Do you want to share your money with each other? In a new relationship, gifts are often exchanged, but it does not mean you agree to share your financial resources at all times. If your earning potentials are not equal, are you comfortable giving to or receiving from the other and does the higher earner expect the partner earning less to contribute in other ways?
If one partner is saving for a financial goal or supporting other family members, this may influence how much they spend and share with the other who should be comfortable with that.
Do you and your partner have the same ideas about earning money? Your priorities may be different, and one of you may believe in working hard to earn as much as possible while the other prefers to enjoy life. Issues can arise if you do not learn from each other and align your views on a healthy balance between progressing your career and enjoying your life. 
Resentment can arise if one partner stops working to support the other or to look after children, or if one partner loses their job or ability to work. Partners who do not earn are also vulnerable to financial abuse, feeling guilty or feeling left out. Breadwinners may also resent the other partner’s failure to earn, or earn well, and its impact on their financial life, especially when their job is demanding or unrewarding.
Financial goals are often also life goals and without alignment on these, it may be difficult to build a strong relationship. For example, if one partner wants to travel the world with minimal possessions and the other wants a house with all the trimmings, you may disagree about spending and saving money. Read more: How do I set savings and investment goals?
You will need to discuss your goals with each other on a regular basis as goals change over time. Do not assume your partner knows and shares your changing views. Examples of situations that may arise include one of you no longer enjoying the work you do, a life-changing experience such an illness or disability, or family circumstances – such as a child needing a lot of attention.
Do you and your partner have similar ideas about how you should spend money? Different upbringings and earning levels will result in different approaches, but you should be comfortable with the decisions your partner makes given their financial means and what gives meaning to their lives. If their spending is beyond what they can 
afford or impacting on your joint finances or life, you are likely to have issues in the future.
If you live together or plan to live together, how will you agree on living expenses and making large purchases? Read more: Be my Valentine, and ask me anything about my budget
If either of you impulse spend or have addictions that are financially and emotionally destructive, how will you address these?
Some of us are typically spenders and others are typically savers. Life experiences can increase your bias to spending or saving. When spenders get together, they may need help reaching financial goals. Savers may need help spending on their goals. When spenders and savers get together, it can result in conflict unless you agree on how to reach a good balance. Can you recognise the bias in yourself and your partner, and how will you manage it?
How you use debt is another issue partners may disagree about, especially if you have 
had bad experiences with debt in the past. Entrepreneurs often learn to use debt to grow their wealth, but at different degrees of risk and success rates.
Since debt can impact your shared financial life, you need to be comfortable with each other’s honesty about, and plans to deal with, debt. Read more: How do I know I have a debt problem?
If one of you is risk averse and the other a risk taker, how will you agree on what investment or business risks you are comfortable taking?
Successful entrepreneurs, for example, can provide well for their partners, but if they do not protect themselves or their partners from unforeseen events, life can change for both of them in an instant. Do you agree with how risks will be assessed and addressed?
Kindness and generosity are often valued, but when you are building your financial life and have your own family, it is easy to become resentful of a partner who gives too much or enables the dependency of other family members or friends. Have you discussed your financial values and the boundaries you may need?
It is easy to be blind to your differences in the heady early days of a relationship. Getting out of a problematic relationship later in life when you have bigger financial commitments, and possibly children, is painful, complicated and typically a big financial setback for both partners.
Don’t wait until your differences are problems. Plan your life and money together in a way that is useful for both of you. If you have very different views about money, get professional help from a marriage counsellor, financial adviser or therapist to help you see your blind spots and navigate a path through your differences.
