Connection – The fuel that drives the engine of financial advice

Do you need a good connection with your financial adviser or is your adviser someone you consult to sort out your insurance and investments? In my book The 7 Pillars of Financial Health, I suggest that connection is the fuel that drives the engine of sound financial advice.

Yet we seem to live in an age of growing disconnection. What world am I living in you may wonder? After all, aren’t we more connected than ever before? Minute by minute, second by second, we can connect in the moment with friends, family, colleagues and those less known to us. And these connections can be productive. My niece recently married the love of her life, who she met online.

It’s a far cry from the world I grew up in. I remember my father phoning my mother every day at lunchtime. He was at work; she was at home. It was their routine to connect once during the day while they were apart.

My wife and I trade many WhatsApp messages daily and I don’t think we’re alone. But my parents’ single daily conversation was possibly more meaningful than the torrent of communication my wife and I have daily. Because we can, we communicate about logistics: who’s picking up the kids from school or what do we need from the shops? Or we share something we have picked up during our many other connections on social media: an article, a joke or a comment that we think the other might find interesting. 

When my parents had their daily telephone conversation, they had a genuine conversation. They inquired of each other how they were, how their day was going and they discussed any plans for the evening or the week. They had a genuine connection which enabled them to have a meaningful conversation. The risk we face is that despite being connected, there is less meaning.

Connecting with AI

The advent of AI is raising the stakes on less meaningful connections, because now we are offered connection with something artificial and encouraged to develop a relationship with it. A friend of mine shared recently that the more his preferred AI tool gets to know him, the better it works for him. He even suggested that he is developing a relationship with it, despite it not having emotions of its own.

Another relationship we humans cultivate with something inanimate is that with money. Money can be coins, paper or a digital record. Yet we have a profoundly deep relationship with money. I believe it’s the longest relationship we have with anything, because it begins when we are in our mother’s womb and continues till after we die. Before we are born, we experience a relationship with money through how our parents engage with money. When I was in my mother’s womb, I probably picked up on the financial stress my parents were experiencing, expecting a fifth child into an already financially stretched home.

Similarly, we all have a relationship with money after death, perhaps there is money to be distributed, perhaps not. But the importance of having a will is testament to the tenure of that relationship.

Money a source of stress

Surveys today show that globally money is regarded as a leading source of relational conflict and household stress. Understanding our emotional connection with money is critically important if we are to have a productive relationship with money.

Often our decisions about money can be tripped up by an unhealthy relationship with money. For example, some people use money to try and get recognition to compensate for a lack of recognition when they were growing up. Others who may have grown up with very little money, may be too scared to spend their money, and as a result end up having a miserable life despite having more than enough money.

To understand your connection with money, consider questions like:

• What was your first memory of money?
• What was money like when you were growing up?
• What does money mean to you?

Answering questions like these will help you begin to understand your connection to, and your relationship with money. But often it’s difficult to unpack these questions on your own. Invariably they require discussion and follow-up questions so that we can really understand our relationship with money, and of course the implications for our behaviour with money.

Exploring your relationship

Engaging with a financial planning professional who can help you explore your relationship with money is the ideal way to undertake this important exercise. My belief in the importance of working with a financial adviser is reflected in the sub-title of my book: “Partnering with a Professional to Thrive”.  

Yet increasingly computers and AI are being designed to fulfil the role of financial advisers and it may be tempting to explore your relationship with money with your AI buddy of choice. But your AI adviser has no emotional relationship with money, so it will struggle to empathise with you as you explore your connection with money.

I believe only a human financial planning professional, someone with whom you have a genuine human connection, can help you explore what money means for you. Without this connection, it is difficult to develop the trust you need to have to accept the advice offered by that professional.  

Trust is the foundation of sound financial advice. Without it, you will always be wondering whether you are getting the right advice. And connection is key for the building of trust. Being confident in your connection with your financial adviser will enable you to develop your understanding of your connection with money.